Pondering entity

I love people-watching. Describing, alone to myself, what may or may not be happening in each person's life. I open myself up to more than one story. 

It was a Thursday night I believe, the streets were tame and the skylight had just faded. Night came quickly and covered the city in darkness. Alone in a room with only the stillness of my thoughts; I decided to go for a walk. I tend to do this when I need to focus on anything other than myself. 

Down the dark streets of New York City, you can find joy on the most random street corners. Musicians take over the night and paint the air with musical notes. A man plays the saxophone on one side and another plays the drums. In Union Square, you never know what you are going to witness. From couples trying to find the subway, to crowds of people watching a little boy dance, as well as friends gathering to play chess and checkers. You witness the unexpected joy of others. 

I headed over to the steps that faced the crowded streets of people and sat. 

I watched that night and saw what seemed to be a breakup. I was about 50 feet away. I had my AirPods in and was listening to Whitney Houston. I couldn’t hear them, but I could see them. 

They stood up against a street pole; they both had a significant amount of space between one another. Her legs were crossed along with her arms. He had his hands in his pockets but kept running his hand over his forehead. Every so often they'd pull in close, then steps were taken to remain the distance. I watched them for about an hour. I couldn't help myself. I couldn't help but watch and think about the feelings that were being felt between two strangers. 

I remember how that felt. I remember what it felt like to talk about the inevitable and the change that would happen right after; after those steps were taken away from him. It was real after you walked away. It was real after you both walked away. Along with the love, kindness, and happiness it all disappeared as if it was never really there in the first place. Left in the air is hope; wishing you could redo the before. The question is how do you continue to walk after you’ve been broken? After a conversation that nearly broke everything inside you, how do you still go on? 

I ask myself that every so often. I don't miss the feeling of being heartbroken, but at the same time, I don't remember the last time I ever felt heartbroken over a person. I think that when you've experienced so much pain with the same person you sorta just wait for the ending to come. It seems like I wait for the pain to come knocking at my door before I can even allow myself to feel happiness. 

So I sat on those steps surrounded by hundreds of people but only focused on these two. I thought a lot about relationships. And I thought a lot about heartbreak. All the pain demands to be felt.