Caught up in my thoughts

 

As winter wraps up and the leaves on trees start to come back to life I feel as though I am as well. There are days when I feel like life and school will swallow me whole. Nights when sleeping it off is more convenient than staying up all night. Weekends start and end with a smile. Though the feeling of home somehow is still missing. 

Now and then I hit a point where reality is somewhat more real to me. My past and present overwhelm me and flood my mind, soul, and body. No one prepares you for all of it. Socializing, school exams, friendships, and relationships. In a way, it is beautiful and tragic. Some nights are better than others, but what stays consistent are the people with that I can find comfort in. 

The best days are the days when unfound light is found in friends and those you appreciate. Sending invisible hugs back and forth to comfort those that need it the most. 

Nights are still cold and the breeze of anxiety tends to linger here and there, but knowing that the sun is near is all the peace you could ask for, and need. 

Spring semester ends soon and knowing that next term I'll be Junior scares, and excites me all at the same time. I am two years in and I still don't believe that the life I live is my own. How can something you worked for so long come to an end so soon? I hope that those I started off the year with I end with at the end of this crazy race we call college. 

I romanticize my life because I feel like if I don't life would be taken too seriously. I walk with a book in hand while my headphones blast a Taylor Swift melody. I think about what it would be like to create what everyone else's life might be like. Watching the couples walk together hand-in-hand. In my mind, I am writing about what their love might feel like. 

Most days end with the sound of their voice. Falling asleep with the sound of you lingering in my mind. New York comes to life as the sun shines and days seem to feel longer than the winter. I get lost in the happening of the present it is hard to think about the future. I adore the time I have spent in the city with friends and strangers. When my sunglasses shade the tears that fall I lock eyes when strangers one at a time. No one knows anything about one other. Though what is known is the fact that we are all just trying to get through the day one step at a time. 

My days lately have consisted of sleep, friends, Taylor Swift, and the one that makes me smile. At the back of my head, I feel the anxiety trying to swallow me, but at the end of tunnel, I feel the hands of those I adore pulling me back into the light.