Closer to you

 Memories and emotions flood my mind as the final days of the semester come to a close. What started as the worst year of my life has come to an end blissfully. Gone are the days when I surrounded myself with chaos and sorrow. Immersed in the pitiful pain of my reality, my sadness almost swallowed me whole. I started my sophomore year of college as the most depressed I'd ever been. I believed I was in love with somebody who wanted nothing to do with me, my family life was shattered into a million pieces, and loneliness drowned me. I thought I'd never escape this feeling of misery. 

When the night took over the sky and the stars appeared, I'd wish for happiness. 

Letting go of parts of my life that were out of my control slowly healed the parts of me I thought were forever gone. I never knew how truly grateful I was for the life I am living until I took time to breathe. Breathing for myself and finding joy in the life I worked so hard to get. 

Many of my nights in the first semester were filled with faking a smile I knew everyone wanted to see. Some days were better than others, but the nights when I cried to myself still haunt me.

The truth is, the girl I was at the beginning of the year is different. Seeing through insecurities and a plethora of pain will do that to a person. I stopped living for people who never valued me and started to live for myself. I found beauty in growing up surrounded by a beautiful city, friends, supportive parents, and siblings. 

I started this second semester with my best friend, and I am ending it with her. I wouldn't be here today without her, and I don't know what I'd do without her. I wouldn't know what to do without my best friends. Nights were always spent surrounded by laughter, wine, and constant absurd conversations.

Life has never made me feel this secure. I adore the smallest moments and appreciate the bigger things that come my way. I haven't felt this level of happiness before; with myself and with others. 

The people I surround myself with have truly saved me from spiraling. This semester I found my favorite person who makes me smile ear to ear, and for that, I am forever grateful. 

I leave this semester with a heavy heart, though I won't forget the hardship that led me here and the hands I've held; and continue to hold. 

Next stop, Accra Ghana.