Upcoming seasons

There seems to be this overwhelming sensation that follows me to my knees. Maybe it is the sound of your voice lingering or the lack thereof. I don't think that goodbyes are fair for either party that has to part ways. There are goodbyes that are intentional and require a zero communication action, yet there are also those goodbyes that were never meant to happen. 

I am learning slowly, but surely how to live without the need of someone to hold and to carry. It's hard without them, but it was also hard with them. 

With that being said, autumn is almost here, and with that comes the incoming holidays that always feel so far, but comeback all at once. Holidays have always been hard for me. And now they have become harder the more I age. 

I've never been a fan of Christmas or Thanksgiving (aside from the genocide). There always seems to be so much pressure during these holidays. Spending time with family that doesn't see you as their own or fighting the urge to not cry in a closet when everything ends. 

People have always thought of me to be crazy because of my lack of enthusiasm for Christmas. 

"Savannah you don't like Christmas, it is the most amazing time of the year!!" 

I get shocked looks, and mouths left wide open when I tell my hatred for the red and green holiday. My dislike has nothing to do with religion or the time you spend with family. It has to do with the aftermath. I always fall into the deepest sadness after Christmas, and sometimes during the weeks leading up to it. 

People always looks so happy and fulfilled during the holidays, but I can't help but feel the complete opposite. 

I enjoy the candy cane stained windows and the falling of white dust hitting the tip of my nose. Yet I always feel so overwhelmed and overstimulated. Couples shed ice on skate rinks; hand in hand, families join in together tender hearted and loving. All of this sounds great and oh so lovely, but it's hard to find. 

Aside from these presumptions of the hatred of these specific holiday comes my undying love for Halloween. 

An oh so walking cliche, "the girl that is obsessed with Halloween, but hates Christmas." 

My love for Halloween comes from my mother. Her undying love for Halloween always lit my world up with the bright orange and hazy purple string lights she'd put up every year. 

Quoting one of the most iconic Halloween movies of my generation, "Halloween is cool." 

This spooky last hurrah of the fall invites you to be someone else for a night. Not focusing on what troubles you but rather on what drives you. 

I also just love the hype surrounding one night of pure chaos. The thrill of seeing what will be strolling the streets of darkness. Beloved characters from the scariest thrillers, childhood favorites, and all the in-between. 

There is no expectations for Halloween your ideas and persona are unlimited. 

My ode is autumn is I hope that the leaves that fall are followed with my feelings for them. I hope the trees shed as well as my feelings for you do. I hope autumn bring yet another successful Halloween full of chaos and different personas. 

Why worry about who you are when you can be someone else for a night?