Stuck in a haze

I am overwhelmed by the magnitude of my own thoughts. Left alone with a wonder that continues to haunt the darkest parts of my mind. 

When I close my eyes I like picture an escape; my sweet escape. Maybe somewhere in Europe, like Italy or France. Getting caught up in chatter of Italian or French; listening to conversations I don't understand, but seeing the beauty of not knowing. 

I find charm in the unknowingness. A heavy after thought of yearning for the unspoken. 

Giving into my escape my reality makes this essence of happiness more chaotic. Because I become more chaotic and less peaceful. I always seem to find chaos wherever life leads me. Hiding behind my dark hues , aggressive nail polish, and standoffish smile. 

Hiding the spirit of loneliness with a lit candle that burns like its bleeding. 

I know how I am perceived, and I see how others see the confusion thats lost in my eyes. It doesn't bother me, because how are we supposed to know what it is that we want so young. I like being alone, and I like not knowing what it is that I need, want, or crave. 

My dark blue headphones block out the reality of my life - transporting me to the sweet sounds of what love feels like. Not being able to see or touch it, but to feel it. 

I don't know how to describe what life feels like right now because it honestly feels like coming in and out of consciousness. So, I get lost in the art form of reality. Painting scenic views for my heart to get lost into. Awaiting for someone to find me hiding behind others as my head lays low and eyes closed. 

Life goes on, but I try so hard to rewind to the good times so I don't get lost in the worst of them. 

At the end of day sadness and anger become one. Tolerating the weight of a heavy head and soul.