Just exhale, it will be okay

Days have begun to feel longer, as we are given the opportunity to cherish the suns glow for a few more hours. The air is moist, but the company is bliss. The spring semester has left, which concludes the ending of junior year. Questions now rise from distant family members and my inner circle about my plans for the future. What do you want to do? Where will you live? Who will you be? 

It's hard to think about what's next when I am still figuring out the next few months going forward. Reflecting on every aspect of my life and what I believe to be the "upcoming steps." Thinking about graduating and being on my own still scares me (a lot). I tend to have recurring thoughts that I am not doing enough. My for you page is filled with postgrad content and transitions into the "real world." Who seem so happy to be done and moving forward, but that's what excites me and frightens me. 

NYU has challenged me and given me so much. It has also taught me so many lessons about friendships and relationships --- I mean I guess that's how you know you are truly growing up. 

But now, Summer is here and things are different. It's inevitable. To see how juristically change can hit. I'm okay with it. Learning to see the grace of falling and getting back up again. I know this upcoming year will be the most overwhelming year yet. Learning how to be uncomfortable at times will really irk me, but learning to be okay with those moments are important. I need to grow if I ever truly want to blossom.

After the storm of finals and moving all over, I fell directly into my comfort place. A place where the silence around is almost euphoric. I could escape here over and over again to feel the bliss that the mountains bring. Agin and again I take warmth in the chilling of night fall just when the snow on the mountains looks like it is dazzling upon dusk. I believe that the stars shine brighter in Colorado (maybe I am a tad bias tho lol). 

Here. Here is where you will find me. Here is where you will find my heart, my soul, and body. Here is where you will find the last pieces of us. 

The last trip I ever took with my grandma was in the mountains. I remember how it felt to wake up in the morning and already see that she had been up for hours. The clouds were heavy; little scattering pieces of the blue sky.  

I think about that trip almost everyday. When I close my eyes I can see her. My wistful gaze longs for her and watches as she disappears into the moonlight. She always said that she loved me to the moon and back. And I believe that she still does. But the moon doesn't shine the same without her. The stars seem less gleeful without her. 

Tomorrow is the day we have dreaded since we heard the news. A whole 365 days without our joy. I don't know how I have gotten through an entire year without you. I so badly want to call you and for you to answer and say "GOT YOU." Oh how sick and twisted would that be huh? But I'd wish for that a million times over if it gave me a chance to tell you how much I love you. 

Change is in the air. And I believe the best thing we can do is just exhale, because it will all be okay. 

Also did you know that today is the National Day of Joy? Oh its the little things that make serendipity joyful.