A readiness to connect

 

I want to start this blog firstly with a quote from a book that I am currently reading, "The choice to love is a choice to connect-to find ourselves in the other." (bell hooks, "all about love") 

This quote from chapter six hit me, because we take for granted the connection we seek in others. When we are first born we are all given to our caregiver - skin-to-skin bond ties the caregiver to the baby. Even from birth we crave human connection. When COVID hit and we were all stuck in the house the one thing that kept so many of us sane was the connection we found in other humans. Even in times of fear we risk it all for a sense of connection. 

When bell hooks emphasizes the point of connection in another: I offer a counter point, that we seek connection in anyone that is able to truly see us. We connect with strangers on a daily basis, but it is ever that rare that we create an interpersonal relationship with someone that sees beyond our fears. Being seen by someone comes with fears even if it is someone that has loved you since you were a thought in the sky. We fear often, but replace that fear with devotion. A devotion to care for the needs of others that we unconditionally love, even if we are unsure of how they feel or would react to that principal. 

I have never found myself to be a spiritual person, but when I was in high school I was struck by a poem. Some Keep the Sabbath Going to Church. A famous poem by Emily Dickinson created a new view point of spiritually, and opened doors to critical thinking within a 16 year-old girl. A lot of young people are taken aback by the thought of spiritually that saying we don't have one is easier than saying we do. Dickinson offers the ties to nature as the sanctuary that heals and connects. A demonstration of love that should never to be overlooked or taken for granted, as we were told as young children you only get one Earth. 

One of my favorite books, Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer, explores humanity and land and how they can, and do intersect. The principle of the book is the teaching of gratitude through Indigenous philosophy. So much of what she points out is the connection Indigenous people have to nature and how many tales see that relationship as one of love and commitment. We see fractions of ourselves in the ways we connect with the world around us, and the relationships we hold nearest to our hearts and souls. One of my grandparents never liked the idea of wearing shoes when she was outside, and when asked she mentioned how it ruined her connection with the soil found in the ground. Affirming that stepping out in a place of worship didn't require shoes nor socks. Robin Wall Kimmerer's book made me feel seen, not just by her commentary but her devotion of writing about Indigenous practices. Because of her writings I felt a connection with her without ever meeting her. 

Relationships like this are the most beautiful to me because, just because I can't see the connection does not mean I don't feel it. Back in my Uni days I had this one Professor that truly spoke to me (yes she did speak at me), but her teaches offered that same critical thinking that struck me in my teenage years. Because of that class I decided to take every single one of her classes that she offered. I felt a love for her teaches and practices because I saw how seriously she took each of those readings and lessons. Paying attention to how readings connect the many of us that came from different walks of life; we intersected. 

So much of what we read, listen to, and consume on a daily basis is meant to connect us all. We decode and encode media on a daily basis; understanding relationships and its connection to real life scenarios. So much of what we learn and how we love is sought through interconnection and at times outer. 

Loving can't be taught, though at times we hope it can be. We have to pave that path on our own using tools we've given from family: parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles. And at times we learn from relationships we thought to be love or hoped for that outcome. The way each person loves is scientific. It's tweaked and hypothesized over the years and shaped in its own way over and over again. There is no right definition, and at times it becomes frustrating, but in order to learn we must accept the aspect of fear that follows.  We start with a readiness to connect; a readiness to fear and learn the powers that uplift us.